so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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