We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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