I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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