well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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