if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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