I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
