eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
