I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize