I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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