I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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