this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
