I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
