my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
