I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
