Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
