Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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