Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
