I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
