OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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