Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
