Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
