I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
