Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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