just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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