Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
