Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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