I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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