i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
