After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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