My room smells like vodka and shame
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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