Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
