remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
