I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
