I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
