Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
