Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
