wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
