all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize