I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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