I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
