just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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