The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think i have two assholes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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