Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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