god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize