he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
