i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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