direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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