I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
