i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
