drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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