Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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