I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
