Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just pee around me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
