The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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