I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
