well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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