it's like iHOP with fire
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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