plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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