I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
