Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
