I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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