i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
